Belated Post

Yesterday started out bad. I shan’t elaborate. I don’t know if you’re reading this, but if you are, from the bottom of my heart, I apologize for any mistakes I made. I, never for once, want to make you to feel that way. I am sorry if I have not been hanging out with you or have not been involve in your life anymore. I am sorry that I make you feel that the friendship we shared was nothing and purely bullshit. I didn’t see this coming and didn’t expect things to turn this way. And if there was one thing I could do, I would turn back the time and mend all the mistakes I made to avoid this misunderstanding. Be it back then, now, or in future, I still believe in that friendship and everything about it was beautiful. Whatever it is, I am truly very sorry.

On a brighter note, yesterday's celebration was superb. Even though we were behind schedule (Oh well, somebody was late and I mean really late, don’t worry we don’t blame you Yan, infact I have to thank you cause she was late too). All the chaos, all that running, all that sweat and all that lies we came up with. It was purely insane. But I am glad in the end the birthday boy (or sld it be man..=p) had fun.

I know this came a day late but “Happy 23th or was it 24th Birthday?”. haha..I wish you all the happiness n joy in the world. Till then...Tkc always..




P/s: I dont think i am such a bad liar..=)

-haRYANa-

Can I

Can I hide?
Hide from things
That I don’t wish to see

Can I run?
Run away to a place
Free of all pain and worries

Can I dig?
Dig a hole to cover my face
And shut myself away from any craze

Can I close?
Close my eyes and fall asleep
And fall right deep into it

Cause I’m tired
Tired of being here
Tired of being me

Cause I’m tired
Tired of trying
Tired of thinking

Cause I’m tired
Tired of everyone
And every single thing

Cause I’m tired
And I’m really sick of everything

-haRYANa-

Specially For Princess Fidah

This entry is for one of my dearest princess who is about to embark a new journey; in her quest to be a prison officer. Wish her all the best for the future endeavors.

Dearest Fidah
Tomorrow will be the day, the day you will enter into a phrase of a whole new life. The unpleasant memories or pain you have been through this past few months, throw them away and start focusing on your new direction in life instead. You are to go to that training course and get that freaking rank that you have been wanting, work your butt off to be one of the best prison officers there and make us girls proud. I have total faith that you will make it. I will see ya again and make sure when I do, you have that freaking rank on your uniform.. Miss ya and love ya lots darling. .=) Till then...tkc always...*BIG & TIGHT HUGZ*



p/s: I'm glad we manage to catch up before you go in..=)

-haRYANa-

Thank You

It’s been ages. No doubt, I miss them. I miss them so badly that no words can even express how badly I miss them. The beautiful moments we all once shared. The bond we all once forged. The memories we all created. The promises we gave to each other. The huge dreams we all aspired. I hold them dearly and closely in my heart. I never expected our friendship that we once boast about to go this way. Each and every single time I see a group of girlfriends hanging out together, I can’t help but fill with envy. If there was one thing I want, is one day, just one day for everyone to gather and spend time together. To be part of my life like they once were last time. Well, I guess everyone is busy and have their lives to lead. No matter what happens, I still love them all the same and wish them all the happiness and joy in the world.



And it’s funny how sometimes the group of people you least expect to be around with because you were too caught up with everything that was happening then, are the very people that my life evolves around now. I love each and single one of you. Thanks for making the difference in my life. Till then..Tkc ppl..

-haRYANa-

The Strength of a Mother

I love going back to Malaysia. It’s only there I feel my soul at peace and at ease.



Every single trip, I learnt something or try something different. And this time it was no different. I witness a miracle. A miracle that completely took my breath away and left me in awe. It was magical and indeed overwhelming.
I clearly remember rushing over to the kandang kambing when there was news that one of the kambings was giving birth to its first baby. The kambing was outside the kandang, standing in the sun and was near the wall. Her stomach was so huge, her birth hole was expanding and it looked so red and swollen. Every five minutes, the contractions came and you could see her breathing in pain. And despite her pain, she managed to walk slowly to the shade. After a while, when the pain got too much for her, she laid still on the ground breathing hard. The small translucent balloon that was coming out from her birth hole became bigger. It got so big that it suddenly burst and two legs could be seen popping out. My relatives got over; one held the head and massages the kambing stomach and the other was pulling the baby legs to get it out. The kambing was making noises, noises I have never heard a kambing made before. For a moment I feared for the baby’s safety because the legs were coming out first and not the head. For humans if the legs came out first, most of the time, a caesarian section has to be done for fear that the baby might drowned. I muttered a prayer for the baby and hoped that the mother would push harder. Soon I saw the face coming out and before long the baby was out. It was actually the forelegs and not the legs that came out first, meaning that it was a natural birth for a kambing. The baby was a male and it was bigger than I expected. Call it the strength of a mother because right after she gave birth to her baby, she was up cleaning her baby and making sure that her baby is safe. It took a while before the baby was on four legs.
Childbirth is never easy. The entire situation made me think about the amount of pain every single mother had to go through just to give birth and to mould us to the person we are today. Every single pain, sacrifices, support and love she gave, everything was done with us in mind. But yet sometimes, we as children failed to understand her and take her for granted.
Before this, I have never doubted childbirth is not easy. However, it is never until you see right before your very eyes then will you realize how painful it is. It may be just a kambing to some people but what I saw was more than just a kambing. It was the power and strength of a mother. Till then..Tkc ppl..

-haRYANa-