Shenmue Reflections

I have always wanted to play the piano since I was a little girl.

To me, it's one of the most beautiful instrument ever created. Behind each keys lies a melody. Behind each melody lies a story that paints a thousand emotions. I always get pretty emotional whenever I hear a soothing and slow piece being played on the piano.

Someday, when I have saved enough, I'm going to sign myself up for piano lessons. For now, enjoy listening to one of my favourite piano piece...



Everyone has their own intepretation of each melody. So what's yours?

Sometimes you just get too caught up with the things around you that you forget that there are others who suffered a worst fate than yourself.

When reality strucks, it's finally over..

"You know you can't regret because you did give your best. So stop being too hard on yourself and take a breather"

The last few days was pure maddness.. All the late nights and hours of mad studying was just crazy...

The last two paper was the killer of all and just like the other papers, I couldn't do it. But this time, I blew it pretty badly... There wasn't a single question in the paper that I knew how to do and I really don't know how to describe the emotions I was going through when I saw the paper...

I feel frustrated and angry because it is not as though I was slacking around and only started doing revision last min. I feel sad because it wasn't as though I didn't give my best. The fact was I gave my god damn best, sacrifice whatever time I had by studying and I started even way way before exams and that wasn't good enough.

I dont know what to make out of how I feel. I seriously don't...

2 down, 2 more to go

Boy, I am so getting use to not being able to answer exam questions... In fact, last time I would get really pissed, angry and sad...

I think I'm learning to take things lightly now...

I hate to say this but I think I'm getting really sick of studying. I'm tired and I can't wait for exams to be over...

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation...

2 years has been a while baby..

2 years to be extact since i last took an examination. The atmosphere of my room was like back in those days I was mugging for exams in poly...It's been a while but this time the feeling is different.

If back then, I came to school equipped with just a pencil box and knowledge all at my finger tips. This time I was going through my notes on the train ride to school and up till the last hr before the paper. Only then I started stoning and panicking...

My heart was beating way faster than it should and I was sweating my guts out. If back then, I came out of the examination knowing I will pass and ace the paper. This time was different..hah

Question 1 - 30 marks, *singing* "fly fly fly the butterfly.." Gone like the wind...Totally didnt understand what the question was asking for...
Question 2 - 15 marks, thank god I knew how to answer this question
Question 3 & 4 - 25 marks, I tried my best and wrote whatever i could remember

The moral of the story is, we all had it too easy in poly. Seriously, back then all you need to do is study hard, do the past year paper. Then you roughly know the format of the exam and what will come out and confirm plus guarranted you will ace the paper.

This time yes we know it's coming but the structure of the question requires more than just planting the formulae or concepts, it requires some thinking out of the box. So there you go, my mentor says if you are able to do half of the exam paper is considered good enuff. *faints*. This only means the exam paper is really tough.

If then we only had about 12 chapters or less to study for our final exams. Now its like double the amount plus lesser time. Now tell me, which fool who has no basic background at all, can learn and remember 23 chapters of concepts and diagrams in less than 3 mths? If there is, then I say that fool is a freak.

If before in poly, I was aiming for A's and nothing less. Now, I am only aiming for a pass. Nothing more, just a pass and a degree, I will be contented. I dont need any first class honours or anything. All I want is a degree and not get kicked out of school for failing exams.

P.S: All my uni frens who are from poly are having the same problem like me. A pass and nothing more.

Everyone needs a stranger to release all their pain and sorrow

I have never been someone who regret over my actions or decisions. In everything I do, I will consider the pros and cons and will think hard enough..

But sometimes I can't help but wonder if I made the right decision to go back studying. If back then, it was so easy to focus, somehow it seems different now. Maybe I'm getting older and my brain is catching up on me. Working hard somehow doesnt seem to work and I'm really at lost to what I am suppose to do.

Exams are around the corner and I'm not confident of passing. (Please dont give me comforting remarks like I can do it because I'm sick of those). It's scary and although I always say it's fine if I fail, but I know myself better. I hate failure and rejection but even so, I know I will get through this...

Who will be my stranger?