Nenek
“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” - Norman Cousins
First was the terrible backache and then came the terrible headache. I thought nothing of it and probably the lacked of sleep was causing it. Then the fever, the cough and the sore throat came that made my body feel so weak that I could hardly stand. The doctor showed me a diagram on a human throat and was telling me I had tonsil infection and it was really bad. Besides being swollen, there were three ulcers growing on each side of it.
He claimed that the cause of my headache, backache and all sort of illness I was having was due to this tonsil infection. He prescribed some medicine and told me to take a good rest. I did as instructed and by night, I was feeling a lot better. Things took a turn for the worst the next day. My fever got higher, my back was aching, my throat was in pain, my head was spinning so badly that I couldn’t even stand or walk properly. I was cold, so cold that I was shivering like some drug addict craving for their drugs. I couldnt even stand much less follow my family to Malaysia for my late grandmother “kenduri arwah”. I shed some tears not because I couldn’t follow them but because of the pain and also partly because I was reminded of the past.
"It was the first day of Hari Raya Puasa. We have always celebrated any festive occasion in Malaysia because my grandparents are there. I remembered sleeping in the afternoon after all visitors had left my grandparents house and waking up that evening with my stomach in pain. I couldn’t stand, I couldn’t think and everything I ate came out. The doctor claimed that I had food poisoning, gave me an injection on my butt and told my dad that I could only eat bread and drink tea without sugar. He told me to rest and to avoid too much walking. I remembered crying in bed when all my family members went house- visiting, leaving me all behind. And I remembered it was nenek who stayed behind to accompany me. I remembered her hushing me. I remembered her stroking my hair and talking to me. I remembered how she stayed beside me until I fall asleep. I remembered how every 15 min; she would wet the towel on my forehead. I remembered how she would occasionally take a peep into the room to see if I was fine. I remembered how gently she woke me up to make me eat my medicine. I may have been in pain but it was due to the pain that I had a one on one moment with nenek."-1996
"I remember the time when my brother and I went to visit nenek in the hospital. I remembered entering the ward and seeing her lying there with all the needles, tubes and whatever not going in and out of her body. If living would mean suffering, then I gladly let her go. At least she would be free from all pain and suffering. I remembered going over and giving her a hug and she whispered my name. It was probably only 4 words but to me that 4 words meant more than anything in the world." - 1998
"Good Riddance was playing on the Radio when the phone rang that night with the caller looking for my parents. I remembered my brother answering the second phone call. The moment he put down the phone, he went into his room. My heart sank for I knew what I feared had come. The next thing I knew, we were all sitting around nenek and reading prayers for her. I remembered giving her my last kiss, I remembered looking at her face for the last time. She looked so different from the last time I saw her which was in the hospital. Her wrinkled and tired face was replaced with a healthier, fleshier and fairer face. And one of the last thing i remembered about her was that smile, the most beautiful of all that spread across her beautiful face."– 26.03.1998
She may have physically left us but I know she is still there. Cause her spirit lives in my heart. And whenever I miss her, I just need to close my eyes and feel hard enough and I know she is right there, right here beside me.
Nenek, yana sayang nenek. =)
p/s: Sorry for not answering any calls or replying any messages cause i've been really sick. Till then..tkc ppl...
-haRYANa-
First was the terrible backache and then came the terrible headache. I thought nothing of it and probably the lacked of sleep was causing it. Then the fever, the cough and the sore throat came that made my body feel so weak that I could hardly stand. The doctor showed me a diagram on a human throat and was telling me I had tonsil infection and it was really bad. Besides being swollen, there were three ulcers growing on each side of it.
He claimed that the cause of my headache, backache and all sort of illness I was having was due to this tonsil infection. He prescribed some medicine and told me to take a good rest. I did as instructed and by night, I was feeling a lot better. Things took a turn for the worst the next day. My fever got higher, my back was aching, my throat was in pain, my head was spinning so badly that I couldn’t even stand or walk properly. I was cold, so cold that I was shivering like some drug addict craving for their drugs. I couldnt even stand much less follow my family to Malaysia for my late grandmother “kenduri arwah”. I shed some tears not because I couldn’t follow them but because of the pain and also partly because I was reminded of the past.
"It was the first day of Hari Raya Puasa. We have always celebrated any festive occasion in Malaysia because my grandparents are there. I remembered sleeping in the afternoon after all visitors had left my grandparents house and waking up that evening with my stomach in pain. I couldn’t stand, I couldn’t think and everything I ate came out. The doctor claimed that I had food poisoning, gave me an injection on my butt and told my dad that I could only eat bread and drink tea without sugar. He told me to rest and to avoid too much walking. I remembered crying in bed when all my family members went house- visiting, leaving me all behind. And I remembered it was nenek who stayed behind to accompany me. I remembered her hushing me. I remembered her stroking my hair and talking to me. I remembered how she stayed beside me until I fall asleep. I remembered how every 15 min; she would wet the towel on my forehead. I remembered how she would occasionally take a peep into the room to see if I was fine. I remembered how gently she woke me up to make me eat my medicine. I may have been in pain but it was due to the pain that I had a one on one moment with nenek."-1996
"I remember the time when my brother and I went to visit nenek in the hospital. I remembered entering the ward and seeing her lying there with all the needles, tubes and whatever not going in and out of her body. If living would mean suffering, then I gladly let her go. At least she would be free from all pain and suffering. I remembered going over and giving her a hug and she whispered my name. It was probably only 4 words but to me that 4 words meant more than anything in the world." - 1998
"Good Riddance was playing on the Radio when the phone rang that night with the caller looking for my parents. I remembered my brother answering the second phone call. The moment he put down the phone, he went into his room. My heart sank for I knew what I feared had come. The next thing I knew, we were all sitting around nenek and reading prayers for her. I remembered giving her my last kiss, I remembered looking at her face for the last time. She looked so different from the last time I saw her which was in the hospital. Her wrinkled and tired face was replaced with a healthier, fleshier and fairer face. And one of the last thing i remembered about her was that smile, the most beautiful of all that spread across her beautiful face."– 26.03.1998
She may have physically left us but I know she is still there. Cause her spirit lives in my heart. And whenever I miss her, I just need to close my eyes and feel hard enough and I know she is right there, right here beside me.
Nenek, yana sayang nenek. =)
p/s: Sorry for not answering any calls or replying any messages cause i've been really sick. Till then..tkc ppl...
-haRYANa-
posted by Yana at 2:48 PM
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