April the 8th

"I dont like the person I am now, just like a girl without any courage, who wears a false smile every day, who failed to find the guts and drifts along from day to day." - Anonymous

Yes, I am an emotional freak. I am one and I shall not deny that fact. The past few days or should I even say weeks has been an emotional ride. I thought I was prepared and I thought I was strong enough for anything. I thought I would handle it better because I went through it before. But no, when it came crashing into me just like I had expected, I scramble to keep myself afloat. The first time was bad and this time it felt worst. And just when I thought I had more than enough to handle, one by one, they came crashing into me. I wont go further and don’t bother asking because not only I hate people asking when I have no wish to talk bout it. Most importantly, I hate writing about depressing or miserable stuff and end up attracting sympathy votes. Oh well, no matter how messed up everything is, life is always beautiful, full of love, joy and hope.

Moving on to a brighter note, yesterday, I accompanied my aunty to tekong with my other cousins for her son’s enlistment. I remembered taking the bus ride to the ferry terminal and imagining me being the one enlisted. I found myself taking a look at the scenery outside as though it was my very last look at the outside world. The entire ride to tekong, definitely left me in deep thoughts as I contain the excitement and nervousness of what to expect there. Oh yes, it was crazy, I wasn’t the one enlisted but I was the one getting excited over everything. Tekong wasn’t the least I expected it would be. I remembered the dudes talking about that place so much that I imagined Tekong would be a place so lifeless with no whatsoever beautiful scenery, only plain colored buildings with little trees and lots of sand. It wasn’t as bad as what I thought it would be. In fact, it looked like my secondary school only with a bit of style.
I got to take a look at the bunks, the canteen, the auditorium, the layout of the school. I do not have any serious complains, well probably only with regards to the clothes lines which was seriously dirty and totally covered with lots of the birds shit and also the female toilet which I think seriously need a lot of cleaning cause it stinks big time. Other than that, I think everything was fine. I had a feel of what it was like to queue for the food like an ns man and tasted the food they would be eating (honestly, the food isn’t exactly nice at all). I witnessed the swearing ceremony and saw some of the trainings that were going on. It was indeed a cool experience. I had the opportunity to visit and had a feel of the place that the dudes have always been talking about. =)
Yes, did I mention how similar everyone looks? They are all either in their army uniform or PT kit with their dark tanned skin and their GI haircut. Even those in specs, most had those black plastic frames. So imagine walking in a canteen full of them, carrying two cups of water and you hear your full name (minus my dad’s name) being called out and when you turn, you see a group of them all looking so alike, all looking at you and then there is this guy sitting in the middle who looks just like the rest waving his hands at you? Oh yes, me being blur, i just stood there trying to figure out who the person is. I definitely had to take a second good look before I realized who he was. It was actually Farhan from my secondary school. He is my good friend’s best friend and a very nice person indeed. It’s been so long since I last saw him and I can’t believed he still remembered my name. =)
And oh, Farhan wasn't the only familiar face i met there, guess who I met. Haha, none other than our very own Sergeant Muhsin in the auditorium ushering the parents to their seats. It was just weird seeing Muhsin like that. I think everyone there just look so weird. Oh no, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mean weird in a rude way. Somehow I guess when you are in there or probably when you are on duty or probably even when you are wearing that uniform, I think the manly and macho image just comes together with and I must say its just funny and weird to see them in that light. =) I did manage to have a short chat with him and when I was done, I realized how much I miss the dudes, every single one of them in the group, which includes the babes too. It’s been ages since I last met them. Hence, this big shout out to everyone in hope that everyone is fine and doing well. *BIG TIGHT HUG* =)
Oh well, I did had fun there. Tekong has indeed been a rather interesting and emotional experience. Although I kind of like the environment there because it’s peaceful, well its only because I don’t have to go through all those tough training. I am pretty sure if I was a guy I bet I would be crying every single day and hating every single moment there. There’s just this lame and weird thought running in my mind right now. What if we women need to serve Ns? Oh hell, don’t even talk bout the training, rather I can imagine us crying and hugging our love ones so tightly when they bid farewell at the ferry terminal during sending off. I think it would be quite a scene. Haha. =)

I always like ending my entries in a positive tone. Because like I said I always believed no matter how terrible and messed up everything is, life is indeed beautiful. You can lose everything except these four things: Faith, Hope, God and Believe; the things that you have to hold on to close in your heart.

But before I end this long entry, I would like to mention a very good friend of mine. Although I just knew him not too long ago, he has been nothing but an amazing friend to me. He is someone with a very warm and friendly personality. A great buddy to talk with, someone who listens patiently when you need someone to just listen, someone who never judge others, a great bullying partner and probably one of the most dedicated, committed and faithful guy I have ever come across. =) Yes, I think you know who you are. Trust me even though I love to bully and tease you, I don’t mean any harm. =) Thank you for being there when I needed someone to listen and not judge. And although this comes a day late, from the bottom of my heart, I sincerely wish you lots of happiness and joy in the world. Happy 21st Bro!! =)





p/s: Anyone remembered what happen a year back on the 8th of April? I did and it shall always be rooted in my heart. Dnd. =) Till then..Tkc ppl..