A Transition

“You got to learn to save your butt, cause if you don’t, people will burn your butt like they burn a satay”

There is a thin line between being nice and letting people take advantage of you.
And, people are crossing over that line. I always find it hard to say “NO” when someone comes up to me for a favor. Because there is always this obligation to help and not having the sympathy to turn them down, i always find myself doing things for the benefits of others.

I have always been the back stage crew and never the key player unless there is no other choice but I am fine with that. You rarely catch me doing the talking because I will be the one sitting, listening and observing. That is just the way I am, I prefer to keep a low profile and just do what I am supposed to do and keep out of trouble. Because everyone is so busy snatching the limelight and wanting a piece of attention to show what they are capable of, very much often I just sit back and watch how each of them put each other down for their own benefits. Everyone is so self-centered and whatever they do, ultimately it is only for themselves. Because I prefer shutting my trap than join in their “Putting each other down” session, I am perceive as not having enough initiative and lacking in terms of interpersonal skills.

It is an irony because they always tell me that they want everyone to be happy and there is no competition amongst all. But why do I feel otherwise. Why do I always feel that there is this need for me to prove my capability to the heads? Why do I feel pressured to be in sync with my colleagues and my bosses?
Of course, I don’t think I can blame the company for always thinking in terms of cash because after all a company needs to think of bringing in revenue for the business. But I really feel uncomfortable with all the 'how to make money' meetings each time they hold one because I am certainly not someone who thinks about sales or marketing. To me, it becomes a big joke when someone comes to me and asks me to come up with a list of company’s mantra or possible ways to bring in revenue. And it sure doesn't help that you have colleagues who just happen to excel in this areas. As a result, you get compared with and are expected to do just the same. Why don't they realise that everyone has a different set of capabilities and not everyone is good in those areas? Haven't they heard of the term "Too many cooks will spoilt the broth"? If everyone is trying to lead, then who will follow?
For crying out loud, sometimes I wish I could just scream at them when they start to get business minded or when the dollar signs coming out of their mouth each time they speak. Yes la business is about making money, but if you choose to dabble in education, then for goodness' sakes, teach and teach PROPERLY! That is what this business is all about in the first place: To teach IT .
So you see, what I feel and think isn’t what they feel and think and it’s hard to reason out with them because it is all of them against me. I don’t care if the student is not bringing in the revenue because for me it's more about them learning something even if it means repeating a number of times. What i want is to help each individual explore their own sets of potential in them and that brings me back to the number one reason why I clearly wanted to go into the teaching line. If i wanted a job that i can train my mind on making decisions on company's vision and mantra, marketing and sales aspect, I wouldn't even leave my old company and would have work my butt there where I can grow and learn more about the corporate industry. How do I even tell them anything if each time I say or suggest something, they see it as meaningless and wastage of time.

Working is just a whole new different ball game. It sucks and it has only made me see how ugly that world is. You got to learn to deal with situations and play the game. Because if you don’t, then the people you think who are in your team will play you out. That is just how it goes. Even after a year plus out from school, I am still in a transition period of adjusting myself as a naïve student into the working world. Things are not as pretty as it always seems to be and so far, I am not liking it more than I first step into it.