One Day
Sunday was a beautiful affair. Even in the early days, I knew she would probably be one of the first to settle down. I am very happy for her, seriously I am. Not only because she finally found the one but also because I finally got my long awaited princess gathering. It was the normal updating each other with our current lives and the reminiscing of our olden days. Not to forget their overly concerned reaction of my status, the reminder of the promise I made and the constant matchmaking for me. Even though we rarely meet; in fact never, we picked up from where we left, put whatever misunderstanding we had and started anew. I love them. We parted with hugs and love and a pact to meet up again (only god knows when). I miss them. Really a lot.
Monday was my breaking point. I was simply sick and tired of everything. I held my tears for the longest time ever and the moment my students when out for a break, I simply broke down in front of my colleague. And for the rest of the days, the moment I was left alone, the tears just flowed. Sometimes I wonder if it is because I am simply stupid or if I am simply nice or am I simply too giving and sympathizing. I am tired of having to please them and I am tired of always thinking about them. I somewhat feel unappreciated and exploited just because I don’t protest. They know my soft spot (that if you rub me the right way, I won’t have the heart to say no) and they use it on me. I am glad this will be over soon.
Yesterday I had a talk with this mother. She lost her husband 17 years ago when she was 37. She’s a single parent to a daughter who is 26 years old now. I cried when she said that they only had each other. I cried when she said death may fall upon them anytime and should god take her daughter away first, she’s prepared. I cried when she said if she died first, she hopes that her daughter is already married so she won’t be lonely. I cried because it takes a lot for a mother to say that.
I am such an emotional person. Sometimes I let my emotions take over me. Many times, I use my heart more than my head. Crying and being sensitive is not something new to me. To others its a sign of a weakness but from where I see it, I am only such because I am more in touch with my emotions.
Today, I am just looking forward to tomorrow’s event. We are having a family chalet for three days. So that’s three days to put my mind off from work. I am excited. I hope everyone will come and be supporting to play the games we organized. I think Kakak and I put in so much effort in planning the games. I hope everything works out well. Well, we shall just wait and see. For now, I am exhausted. I think I need to continue with my games preparation.
Monday was my breaking point. I was simply sick and tired of everything. I held my tears for the longest time ever and the moment my students when out for a break, I simply broke down in front of my colleague. And for the rest of the days, the moment I was left alone, the tears just flowed. Sometimes I wonder if it is because I am simply stupid or if I am simply nice or am I simply too giving and sympathizing. I am tired of having to please them and I am tired of always thinking about them. I somewhat feel unappreciated and exploited just because I don’t protest. They know my soft spot (that if you rub me the right way, I won’t have the heart to say no) and they use it on me. I am glad this will be over soon.
Yesterday I had a talk with this mother. She lost her husband 17 years ago when she was 37. She’s a single parent to a daughter who is 26 years old now. I cried when she said that they only had each other. I cried when she said death may fall upon them anytime and should god take her daughter away first, she’s prepared. I cried when she said if she died first, she hopes that her daughter is already married so she won’t be lonely. I cried because it takes a lot for a mother to say that.
I am such an emotional person. Sometimes I let my emotions take over me. Many times, I use my heart more than my head. Crying and being sensitive is not something new to me. To others its a sign of a weakness but from where I see it, I am only such because I am more in touch with my emotions.
Today, I am just looking forward to tomorrow’s event. We are having a family chalet for three days. So that’s three days to put my mind off from work. I am excited. I hope everyone will come and be supporting to play the games we organized. I think Kakak and I put in so much effort in planning the games. I hope everything works out well. Well, we shall just wait and see. For now, I am exhausted. I think I need to continue with my games preparation.
posted by Yana at 11:58 PM
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