i feel like writing so let see where this will take me..

i could probably start of with yesterday's paper where i blanked out probably due to too much studying on my part. it reminded me of the time where I blanked and wrote only 10 lines for a composition paper in secondary school which awarded me a "see me" remark on the paper. it was similar. i just blanked out, no explaination, no reasons to be given. honestly, there is nothing much I could do now except wait and see how everything goes.

the last few couple of months have been an inner struggle between my mind and soul. while, I have come to terms that life is not perfect often i find myself resentful, hurt and disappointed when things don't go the way i want. like you can work so hard for something, only to see how your hopes and dream shatters right before your eyes.

this shouldn't discourage me, right?

while, it is so easy to get angry and upset and blame everyone else; it is so difficult to see beyond that.

but i am a firm believer of faith and faith is everything for a matter of fact, happens for a reason. i believe we are gifted with the power to discover reasons among tragedy. blessed with the ability to decipher meaning through our trials and tribulations. something many people are oblivious to this gift.

you know when sometimes i tell people, "everything happens for a reason". many never truly believed me. they think it is a reason or just something i say to convince or comfort myself out of something. simply because all it ever does is to create hope that it will make sense one day.

but is that really a bad thing?

because without hope, there is nothing. hope is some power that allow things to happen because of some greater purpose. so why would you not want to hope? why do that to yourself. we are only eliminating the opportunity to grow. the chance to evolve, to be further shaped and molded into the beautiful people that you and i were created to be.

take a moment and let it all sink in.

i have been pondering about this the whole time today, putting off my studying time. i looked back at everything and i realise i have come a long way in achieving some of the goals i set for myself. though there are still many which i have yet to attain, i am contented to know i have begun on that journey. if only those moments where i feel the weakest, i see things the way i see it now, i could do away with all the sorrow i put myself into. but well, "things happen for a reason".

i really wish i could write more for there is so much more in my thoughts. but sadly at this moment time is not on my side. i know it's really an abrupt ending but i still have an upcoming paper in which i have a long way to go in terms of preparedness.

for that reason, i must part.
until the next writing..

i hope for everyone that they will have a day twice as beautiful as they are.




. yana