Finding something

I have always talked about finding a passion or finding something I could say about myself. The fact is, I always had something in me. It has been there all along but I just failed to look at it because I didnt think it was something special or it was something I was good at. And when someone told me that it was special, I realize that the reason why I havent been able to find what I was looking for was because I have already found it.

You know those little stanzas and phrases when you combine them together people call them poem. I dont call mine poem because a poem is a work often in verse, usually dealing with emotional or descriptive subject in a rhythmic form. Mine is nothing of that sort. Mine is just a whole load of chuck written with my emotions. Which is the reason why I only write for myself and not for others because I know there are alot more better writers out there. The same reason how writing can make me feel so good about myself after each piece because of the amount of emotions I poured inside. The exact same reason why I rarely show my works to others for fear of it being judged.

And to have taken the step to show someone was a big deal to me because it simply means you have to listen to what they have to say about it. But I must say since then it has been encouraging. In fact, it got me inspired to dig my old journals to retrieve back some of my old works dated as back in the year 2000.

Flipping through the pages, I realised how a lot of them were about love, crushes and all those silly emotions you go through as a teenager. Halfway through it, I notice the sudden shift of direction to friendships and bonds forged. And then without any given signals or warning, the direction shifted to about finding a change, about finding a purpose and about finding myself.

With all that aside, I wrote something a few days back. Oh no, please don't think it's a good piece because I still don't think I am good at this or this is something special. But it's just a little something that I want to share. A little something written with my emotions. And I hope whoever reading this will be more forgiving on my unperfected piece.

Alone

I have watched many movies
But none of which I can remember the plot
I have listened to many songs
And none of which I could hum to the melody

I want to run away
As far as my feet can take me
Until my strength can hold no more
And when I fall and collapse
I want to be buried in the sand

I wish I was born alone
No family, No frens, Nobody,
No everyone except me

Just me and god
and my faith to fill between the spaces

Then I would be free
free from all commitments and responsibility

Free from all kinds of expectation
that others or I set to please

Honestly I'm tired
Tired of being around
Tired of having to be around
So would you just leave me alone, please

-27.05.09