most of the time, we dont appreciate what we have. i admit i dont. as much as i bring myself to accept the conditions of my life, for most part of it, i wished for more. it's people like me they say, never learn how to appreciate, until i learn how to struggle.

as odd as this may sound, i want to be independent, to move somewhere where no form of help is easily reachable, to go broke, to experience having to starve, to strive for something i so badly want, to live each day with uncertainty, to climb every mountain only to leap with faith. to sleep at night thinking about what will happen tmr. and only after all that, i want to succeed.

dont get me wrong. i love my family more than anything that could ever comprehend. they are my pillar of strength and source of comfort. being a home girl, not having my parents around would be tortorous. not being able to talk to them is like taking my oxygen away.

but this brings me to the whole point of this entry. i know how crazy this sounds like. but i really dont want to make it in life without failing first. i want to be able to know what i have is what i started from scratch. i want to be able to see everything i have done in a better light even if it means; to begin in darkness.

to leave my things behind and build with my own blocks.
to find that inner peace i lost a long time ago

only then can i have a toast to my life.
not in desire to be successful but rather to be a success.